


Him

by lovingremus



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Falling In Love, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Love Confessions, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Mild Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-10
Updated: 2020-01-30
Packaged: 2021-02-19 00:55:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22202635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovingremus/pseuds/lovingremus
Summary: Remus falls in love with Sirius.Sirius falls in love with Remus.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 22
Kudos: 240





	1. Remus

Remus was curled up on a sofa in the Common Room. It was two days after a full moon, and Remus was still feeling exhausted from the experience. Sirius was sitting right next to him, letting Remus rest his head against his shoulder.

Remus loved having Sirius close like that. A couple of years back he’d caught himself thinking about Sirius a whole lot, missing being near him, craving to touch him. He’d never felt that way about anyone else before, and it had scared him a bit at first until he’d realized he was actually falling for him. After that, he’d been _terrified._

There was no way he was ever going to tell Sirius that. Their friendship had always been very touchy-feely, and Remus didn’t want to make things awkward between them. He was happy with the way everything was.

So he’d been trying to push his feelings down. Pretend they’re not there. But despite his best effort to ignore them, the feelings had been growing stronger every day for years.

“Remus? Can you help us?”

He opened his eyes. The speaker was a tiny first-year student, a brunette girl with glasses. Remus had helped her and her friends with their homework for the whole year.

“I’m sorry, Sophia,” Remus answered. “I’m a little sick. I don’t think I can be any help right now.”

“Oh,” said Sophia, her face falling, and Remus felt immediately guilty. “I just thought - it’s a really hard Herbology assignment about Devil’s Snare and none of us really get it.” She waved at her friends’ direction. The other first-years were standing beside one of the tables, observing them quietly.

Remus closed his eyes, being too tired to keep them open any longer. He leaned closer to the warmth of Sirius’s body. “I’d love to help, Soph, but I can’t. I’m really sorry.”

He couldn’t bear looking at the girl’s face fill with disappointment, which he knew would happen. Not once had he had to say no to her before, nor to any of her friends.

That’s when he heard Sirius speaking in a gentle voice, but not to his direction.

“Devil’s Snare, you said? I might know a thing or two about it. Want me to help?”

Remus opened his eyes again and looked at Sirius, feeling surprised. _This wasn’t like him_. The boy barely did his own homework. Not that he couldn’t. He was really smart, actually. But he never bothered.

But Sirius got up and followed the girl across the room, to the table where her friends were waiting. The kids looked a bit startled to see this stranger joining them instead of Remus, but they soon gathered around him, forgetting their nervousness as Sirius started to teach.

For the first time in ages, Remus remembered that Sirius was, in fact, a big brother.

He was flipping through pages and pointing out pictures and helpful paragraphs for the first-years. Sophia and the others seemed to absorb every word Sirius was saying, writing notes, asking questions. Just everything about the way he was helping the children around him was genuine and loving.

Remus felt a bit more awake, not being able to stop staring at the boy. Sirius had always been playfully mocking him for spending so much time with the younger students, helping them whenever they asked. Seeing him taking his spot as a tutor - in Remus’s eyes - was the cutest thing ever.

And as Sirius raised his look from the books for a moment, finding Remus’s face and smiling at him radiantly, Remus felt like his heart might give out. He was filled with a warm feeling, the one he’d been trying to push down for years now in a fear of disappointment and rejection, but he could no longer help it.

At that moment he couldn’t pretend that what he was feeling for Sirius was just his imagination or something that would pass if the just tried not to think about it.

Seeing the punk-rock prince of the whole Hogwarts suddenly being so brotherly and patient with a bunch of children had made him see it; how hopelessly in love he was with that kind, sweet soul under the leather jackets and macho attitude.

  
  
  


Remus felt someone crash down on the sofa right beside him, taking Sirius’s spot and stretching one arm over Remus’s shoulders. It was James, returning from Quidditch practice, still wearing his bright red robes.

“What’s up? All good?” James asked, his voice slightly colored by worry, as always after full moons.

Remus didn’t answer for a moment. He was still staring at Sirius, who was now high-fiving one of the first-years, and only realized James was still waiting for an answer as he gently bumped his shoulder.

He just couldn’t tear his eyes from Sirius. He wished he could just gaze at him forever.

“I think I’m in love with him.”

Remus blushed and pulled the collar of his sweater over his mouth. But as he’d finally said it out loud he knew it was true. He glanced at James anxiously.

James looked at him, then shook his head, chuckling. “You figured that out just _now?_ Man, I thought you knew.”

Remus buried his face deeper into the collar. “That obvious?”

“Yeah, that obvious. But don’t you worry.” James ruffled Remus’s hair. “Sirius is even worse.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted this on Instagram, and many people liked it. So, I thought I'd post it here too! Hope you like it!<3


	2. Sirius

“Moons?”

Sirius laid his hand on Remus’s shoulder and gave it a light shake. “You fell asleep. It’s time to go to bed.”

It was nearly midnight, and the Common Room around them had already emptied. Sirius had just finished helping the children, who’d really made the most of having someone to teach them - and went up to their dorms only a moment earlier, looking tired but satisfied with the work they’d got done.

Remus groaned and started to push himself up from the sofa, yawning and keeping his eyes shut, then falling back when losing his balance. Sirius shook his head, smirking. He knew that at this point Remus wasn’t in much pain anymore, and it was kind of  _ adorable  _ seeing him in this sleepy, clumsy state.

“Let me help you,” he said softly. He took Remus by the arm and pulled him up, supporting him as they made their way upstairs, slowly, as Remus’s legs were still unable to carry his weight.

In the dorm room, Remus fell on his bed instantly, pulling the covers over himself. Sirius smile d again as he started to take off his own shoes.

“How are you feeling?” he asked, trying to keep his voice down because James and Peter were sleeping already. He kicked the shoes under the bed.

“A bit better,” Remus said drowsily, his words muffling slightly against the pillow. “Pads...”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you for helping the first-years… didn’t have to do that for me...”

Sirius turned away to hide the blush rising on his cheeks. “Don’t flatter yourself, Moony, I didn’t do it for  _ you _ ,” he said, playfully. “I did it for the little ones.”

Sirius was lying to himself, and he knew that. He’d definitely done it for him. He’d do anything for that boy.

Remus mumbled something, but his words were so slurred Sirius couldn’t make out what he was saying. Just seconds later, when Sirius dared to look back at him again, Remus was fast asleep, wearing a slight smile on his face.

Sirius sat down on his bed, forgetting his shirt half-unbuttoned, staring at Remus. He looked so graceful. Exactly as on the one night last summer. The memory of that day still burned bright on Sirius’s mind. He felt butterflies in his stomach. How could you forget falling in love...

———

I’d happened at the Potters, during that week in July when they all - Sirius, Remus, and Peter - had been able to go for a visit and spend a few days together.

It’d been Remus’s last night there. Sirius and Peter had planned to stay for a few days longer, but the next full moon was only a couple of days away, and Remus had had to get ready for it. He’d been trying to fight off the pre-moon symptoms the whole day, but Sirius could see he wasn’t completely himself.

Remus had ended up falling asleep on James’s bed early, hours before the others were planning to go to sleep. Sirius had found him like that when he’d went up to get a chessboard.

Remus had been curled under an old, colorful patchwork quilt, lying on his side, his cheek looking plumb against his palm, on which he’d rested his head. Sirius had been aching to put an actual pillow under his head, but couldn’t risk waking him up.

Because on those damned lips, Remus had had the sweetest smile, a smile that had made Sirius’s heart swell. He’d sat down on an armchair, forgetting about the chessboard, leaned back, letting his gaze wander all over the beauty of Remus Lupin. He’d looked so content. They didn’t get to see him like that much near the moon. Usually, those nights would just be filled with feverish nightmares.

And Sirius had just  _ melted _ . He didn’t even know what was different. Sleeping Remus was one of the most familiar sights he could think of since he’d shared a room with the lad for years now.

He’d always felt a little bit different when being around Remus but never given it much thought before. Why he always ached his company, his touch, _that smile._ It’d all hit him at once. Love. It’d been love all along.

At that moment he had sworn to himself to never let anything ever happen to Remus. Never let that smile fade away. He’d do everything for him. He was smitten.

———

Sirius sighed and got on his feet and tiptoed to Remus’s bed, leaned over him and pressed a soft kiss on his hair. He wasn’t worried about Remus noticing. He’d done that since they were thirteen. He knew Remus was aware of them and appreciated them. Comfort kisses, as they called them. Although for Sirius, they meant so much more.

“Love you, Re,” Sirius whispered to the sleeping boy’s ear. It was another habit of his, a newer one. Letting Remus know without actually having to worry about him finding out. It felt so safe this way. He didn’t know if he would ever have the nerve to say it to Remus’s face when he was awake. But for now, this was just enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I kinda accidentally made both of them fall in love with each other's smile?? I'm okay with that tho


	3. Remus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The spacing looks weird (like super wide) on this fic?? Sorry about that.
> 
> Hope you like it!<3

“Are you absolutely sure?”

James rolled his eyes. “I’m so done with you, that’s what I am.”

“I just don’t want to make a fool of myself!”

“Merlin’s beard, Moony, yes, I’m sure!”

Remus tapped his wand against the table absently, throwing glances across the classroom at the table where Sirius and Peter were working. He wasn’t too worried about Sirius overhearing their conversation. The Potions classroom was filled with energetic students, excited about the upcoming weekend after a busy week, and in that loud chatter Remus could barely make out what James was saying right next to him.

Sirius Black’s yet unconfirmed crush on Remus had been a hot topic on their lips for the past week.

According to what James had told him the other night (and several times on the days after, always looking very pained) Sirius was really into him and not being subtle about it. Remus was still half-convinced his friends were just pulling a massive prank on him.

James had focused on stirring his potion but raised his look on Remus just in time to see him look away from Sirius again.

“Honestly, mate - having to watch you two shitheads acting so lovey-dovey around each other and still being so oblivious is bloody painful.”

Remus frowned. “He has never shown that type of interest in me.”

“You flirt back and forth like crazy,” James pointed out.

Remus couldn’t deny it. The conversations between him and Sirius had always had very suggestive undertones. It was just a joke between them, really. That’s how it’d been for as long as he could remember.

He shrugged it off. “That’s just how we talk, and you know it.”

“What if I told you he never shuts up about you when you’re not around?” James adjusted his glasses that the steamy air of the classroom made slide down his nose.

“Now it just sounds like you’re coming up with crap to convince me.” Remus stared at his brewing potion, that was somehow the exact shade of silvery gray Sirius’s eyes were. “That doesn’t prove anything. Give up, Prongs. He doesn’t like me that way.”

James rubbed his forehead with his fingers, sighing deeply, and then looked Remus dead in the eye.

“He’s told me, okay?” He said, lowering his voice unnecessarily. “He  _ loves  _ you. And it really was none of my business to tell, but you just don’t seem to take the hint. So  _ please _ , just go tell him before he curses me for telling you.”

\---

Remus avoided talking to Sirius for as long as he could, even sitting on the other end of the Gryffindor table at lunch to keep a safe distance. He didn’t know how to face him after what James had just told him. What was he supposed to say? Act like nothing had changed? Wait for Sirius to do the first move?

After a couple of hours of pointless wandering around the castle, he decided to take a grip on himself and return to their dorm. He’d find Sirius and confess. Waiting wouldn’t make it any easier.

He’d never been so nervous.

  
  


As Remus opened the dorm door Sirius was just stepping out of the bathroom. He’d already changed to casual clothes, his wand keeping his black hair up on a messy bun. He’d put on some eyeliner and was wearing his high-heeled boots, still leaving him a couple of inches shorter than Remus.

“Hey,” Sirius said, looking pleased in the sight of Remus standing in the doorway. “Haven’t seen you too much today. What’ve you been up to?”

Remus stared, leaning to the doorframe. His words got stuck in his throat.  _ Fuck. _

Sirius furrowed his brows.

“Moons?”

Remus cleared his throat. “You… look nice.”

He felt his face starting to burn right after the statement had slipped from his lips without his permission.

A wide grin spread on Sirius’s face. “Why thank you, Moony. I would’ve said  _ dazzling _ , but I’ll take that.”

_ Fuck fuck fuck. _

Sirius, his charm and elegance, the way he managed to look glorious so effortlessly. He’d never be a match for him. He in his shabby jumpers.

Sirius sat down on his bed and followed Remus with his eyes as he walked in.

“Are we still going out tomorrow?”

Remus snapped his head into Sirius’s direction, his heart skipping a beat. He must’ve heard wrong.

“We - are we - what?”

“Hogsmeade,” Sirius said, raising his brows at him. “All of us, Prongs and Wormtail too. We talked about it, don’t you remember?”

Remus had definitely forgotten. It’d been weeks since that conversation. He tried to ignore the grin on Sirius’s face as he felt his own turn even deeper shade of red.

“Oh, that. Sure, I’m still down.”

Sirius had a smug expression on his face.

“What’d you think I meant?” He teased. “Go out, like a date?”

Remus stayed quiet, turning his back on Sirius. He could just do it. Act upon his emotions. Spin around, march to him and snog him breathless. He wanted to run his fingers along Sirius’s sharp jawline, fist his silky hair and tilt his head back to face him, mark the boy his.

James’s words echoed in his ears.

But he still wasn’t sure.

He couldn’t do it.

“In your dreams,” he said, in the same playful tone, as he opened his trunk and started to change his robes to something more comfortable, very aware of Sirius’s eyes on his bare skin.


	4. Sirius

The Common Room was surprisingly empty for a Friday night.

Sirius was sitting alone near the fireplace. Some third-year students were chatting quietly at one of the tables, Peter was teaching James some kind of muggle board game at another. They’d asked Sirius to join, but he’d declined the offer. At that moment, he didn’t feel like doing much of anything.

Remus had, as usual, disappeared to the library a couple of hours ago, to catch up on the homework he’d been unable to do on the days near the full moon. Their earlier conversation in the dorm had been cut short by James, who’d bolted in and started babbling about Lily’s new hairstyle. Remus had left soon after that.

  
  
  


A new letter from home laid open on Sirius’s lap. He’d avoided reading it since it’d arrived in the morning, knowing how it would make him feel. But he’d ended up opening it, thinking maybe it wouldn’t be so bad this time. He’d been wrong.

He was blinking back tears. What if his family was right? Nobody would ever love him for who he was. They didn’t, and they’d known him for the longest.

_ Disgrace, blood traitor, disappointment. _

How  _ dumb _ he’d been. Allowing himself to think he might have a chance with Remus. A Black and a werewolf. His family would never let it happen.

Not that he hadn’t  _ totally  _ planned his and Remus’s whole life together already.

They’d live in the countryside, maybe by the sea, in a place as far from Grimmauld Place as possible. Their house would have enough room to invite friends over for dinner parties. It’d be located near a forest where Remus could safely spend the full moons.

There’d be a swing set in the big, messy garden for their children. They’d have family picnics there every Saturday. And there’d always be a cabinet full of Remus’s favorite chocolates in the kitchen...

Sirius liked to play with those thoughts during the long hours of the night when he couldn’t sleep without falling into nightmares. When he did, however, he was always woken up by a sweet, warm touch on his cheek, telling him it was all okay. And when it was Remus sobbing in his sleep, he would whisper his name in his ear until he calmed down.

They both had their own demons - but they always fought them together.

  
  
  


“Sirius? Are you okay?”

Remus sat down in an armchair next to his, eyebrows arched in concern. Sirius looked up. He hadn’t noticed Remus coming back.

He silently handed the letter to Remus, who took it, glancing at Sirius knowingly.

Sirius stared at the reading boy, observing his expressions carefully. He could see Remus biting his tongue, his hands twitching, holding his breath as he read further. He was so perfectly flawed.

  
  
  


After finishing, Remus looked up to him.

“Walburga sounds upbeat today,” Sirius said, trying to keep his tone cheerful but it still cracked at the end - and the tears he’d tried to hold back started to roll down his cheeks.

Remus crumbled the letter into a ball, got up and tossed it in the fireplace. He sat down again, this time squeezing himself in the same armchair as Sirius. He pulled Sirius closer and held him tightly. Sirius pressed his face into Remus’s itchy jumper. It was his favorite place.

“Screw them,” Remus said quietly. “Don’t believe a word they say.”

He pressed his lips on Sirius’s head, near his hairline.  _ Comfort kisses. _

Sirius jerked his head up, feeling mildly surprised. They rarely did it this way. Remus wasn’t usually the first to show _this level_ of affection, although he had no trouble with requesting it and always welcomed it with open arms.

Still, Sirius shook his head. It was just wishful thinking. “They don’t want me. They don’t love me.”

“Pads, stop.” Remus’s voice was trembling, too.

“I don’t think anyone could ever love me.”

“ _ Sirius. _ ”

He gasped silently as Remus tilted his head backward and brushed his cheek gently with his thumb, wiping the tears away.

He let himself get lost in the bright amber eyes. For a split second, he could see Remus looking undecided, hesitant - and then, suddenly leaning in and pecking his lips, very softly.

“I love you.” Remus’s voice was stronger, determined. “So much. Okay? So  _ don’t you dare _ to think that nobody -”

“I love you too.”

Sirius saw Remus’s lips curl into a smile, the same, small smirk he’d fell in love with. And so he took Remus by the front of his jumper and pulled him closer, pressing his lips against Remus’s again, hard but gently at the same time, as he’d ached to do for so long.

It was just a matter of perspective, really, Sirius thought later that night, lying on sleeping Remus’s chest, feeling his heartbeat against his own.

A Black and a werewolf. But those weren’t the things that defined them.

They were meant to be.

Shining bright in the darkness, always together. Made for each other.

A star and the moon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter, hope you liked this! Thank you for reading the whole thing, love ya.


End file.
